A Tale of 5,000 No's

Yesterday was a strange day. Lincoln's in this super fun 'NO' stage. Everything is met with a resounding no. "Lincoln are you hungry?" No. Then he walks over to eat. "Hey buddy, how are you doing?" No. It's not just the word though. It's the way he says it. It's loud and forceful and down right rude 90% of the time. 
I wish I was one of those Mother's who had a legitimate reason for disliking their kids new found voice. The type of Mom who would say something like, " It just breaks my heart, because I feel like it's a cry for attention or maybe he's in some type of pain." But the honest truth is, I just find it annoying and sort of bratty. You kids obviously hit the emotional jackpot with me as a mom. Ha. Yesterday I found myself sitting there nursing Emmett and having a highly intelligent argument with a not even 2 year old. It went something like this. 
Me: Linc you need to sit down and eat
Linc: No
Me: Are you done eating?
Linc: No 
Me: Okay well then sit down. If you don't sit down, I'm going to take your food away
Linc: No No NOO!
I stand up. Linc runs over and sits down
I sit down. Linc runs over to me
Linc: I want more
Me: You have to finish what's in your bowl first
Linc: NO NO NO. MORE! 
Linc starts crying
Me: Linc, you don't cry because I tell you no. Either stop crying and go eat or go to time out.
Linc: NOO! NOO! NOOOOO!
Linc goes to time out.
Noelle: Linc's gonna be in time out all day.
Me: Probably. 
And in that moment I had an epiphany of sorts. Today I did not want to be a mom. It was going to be a long hard day. Full of time outs, tears, and loud No's. So I decided not to be.
 I let you guys hang out in the play room all morning. Eating chips and cookies and switching between Noelle's favorite show, Sofia the First and Lincoln's favorite show, Dora the Explorer. Then, I put Lincoln down for an early nap and Noelle and I made cupcakes. After which she was promptly returned to the play room and watched even more Sofia the First. Noelle, you actually watched so much TV that around 3 pm, you turned it off and said " That's enough, no more TV." 
After Lincoln's nap we played this amazing game where I laid on the floor and pretended to be asleep. You guys climbed all over me laughing and saying "Wake up" and " It's morning time." And I would lift my head for a sec then say "Night Night" and lay back down. Mom of the year over here. 
When it was time to get ready for bed, Noelle had a little bit of a melt down. It's possible that it had something to do with the no nap and 2 cupcakes, 5 cookies, bag of chips, corn dog, pizza diet she had been on that day. But who can really tell?
Whatever the reason, it was obvious that just as I didn't want to be a Mom that day she didn't want to be a child. 
And I get it now. Sometimes we just don't want to do what we are supposed to do. Sometimes we just want to sit on the couch, watch TV and eat like we've lost our minds. Maybe it even extends further than a want. Maybe sometimes we just NEED to be completely in charge of our own lives. No matter the age. 
So today I make a promise that if you three cut me a little slack and let me just be reality watching, junk food eating Jenny sometimes then I'll let you guys be... well, whoever you want Noelle, Lincoln, and Emmett sometimes. Deal? Deal.

Halloween(s)

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. In my opinion the best part about Halloween (besides all the free candy of course) is how it evolves with you. You start off all about the candy. Then, it becomes a goal. Aunty Keisha and I use to go out with friends for hours, trying to fill up our pillow cases. It got to the point where we didn't even really care about the candy itself. Come December most of our candy ended up in a treat bowl in the living room. A girl can only eat so many Reese's before it loses all of it's appeal, I guess. We just wanted, no needed, to fill up those bags. Next comes the  High School stage where all of a sudden you're considered too old. But is anyone ever really too old for free candy? So you knock on a few doors and convince yourself that you guys are A) hilarious and B) kind of sneaky. But you also have money and can buy your own candy. So you quickly realize that walking around begging for candy is work and definitely not worth it. Then it becomes all about the costume. Sexy or funny were the only appropriate choices for us. Hopefully y'all have a little more free range. But it doesn't take long before you realize that dressing slutty on October 31st is in fact the same thing as dressing slutty on March 2nd. Maybe even worse. Because at least a girl who dresses like a skank in March is owning it. So then it just becomes about the party. But then you get married and the thought of a couples costume makes you want to vomit. And when faced with the options of dressing up and going out or staying in and watching TV. TV almost always wins. Which makes you feel lame but not as lame as shaking 'yo thang' next to a 30 year old sexy cab driver (cause some women never get the memo) would. Then right when Halloween has just faded in with the rest of the days, BAM! You have kids and Halloween is back!

2012 - Noelle's First Halloween. We went to the Zoo Boo Bash at the Sanford Zoo and a Halloween Party.

2013 - Noelle's Second and Lincoln's First Halloween. We went to a Pumpkin Farm, Church Halloween Party, and Noelle went Trick or Treating for the first time.

 

 2014 - Noelle's Third and Lincoln's Second Halloween. We went to the Halloween Spooktacular at Seaworld, a Church Halloween party, had a party with our play group, and Lincoln went Trick or Treating for the first time. 

                                     

I tried to get you guys to take a break from all the candy eating
and take a picture. Clearly y'all weren't having it. 

Noelle decided to be Super Girl to go Trick or Treating
and Lincoln was Mickey Mouse but didn't want to take a picture.

Big E Smalls

When I was pregnant with Lincoln I knew that would be my last pregnancy. One boy. One Girl. It all seemed pretty perfect. Then, that annoying thing happens where everyone you know gets pregnant. And no matter how hard you try not to think about it, you do. You think about your own pregnancies and birth experiences. You think about the first time you meet this new precious life and that last guilt free donut. Then that, "I'm done" turns into "Wellll... one more could be nice."
I have to admit my biggest turning point was my last birth story. I kind of hated it. And even worse, I hated that I hated it. I remember giving birth to Noelle and feeling strong and capable. I felt exactly how a mother should feel during that time. Think about, you're laying on a table, legs up, vagina out, possibly pooping all over the place and in your mind you're just like, "I'm the shit." And you're not even saying it ironically. It's a pretty rad feeling. And I'm not ashamed to tell y'all that I wanted that feeling again. 
I wanted my last memory of giving birth to be a story that I smiled through retelling. Because even though the birthing process is painful the story should be nothing but beautiful. Don't get me wrong, I know that the end result is what matters most. I got to come home with Lincoln, end of story, point blank period, smile smile smile. But, I'm me. And I like a good story.
Every time I thought about having a third child I thought about that birth story. I thought about how I could have a home birth, with candles, and R&B playing in the background. I thought about how I could help deliver the child and pull him/her on to my chest ( too much? My bad). I thought about this perfect experience. And the child too, of course. The siblings all playing together, having two new little chubby cheeks to kiss, blah blah blah. But that all goes with out saying. Or, at least I hope it does. You guys are in therapy aren't you? Anyways, point of the story, having a third child meant a lot of things, including having a new last birth experience.
After we found out we were pregnant, Pops set out to find a midwife to do a home birth. He couldn't find any near by, but to be honest I was a little scared of a home birth anyways. I loved the idea of it, but the reality of not being close to a hospital or even a doctor terrified me. So, we settled on a birth center instead. Which was the perfect place and felt just like being at home.
I started having contractions the week before you arrived. Everyday felt like it could be the day and I was so excited. The only thing is, I had a plan. I didn't want to have to wake the kids up to drive to the center with us or wake up a friend to come stay with them. Therefore, I really wanted you to come before the kids 8:00 bedtime. All day I would be super excited and prompting you to come on already and then around 7:00, I would say a little prayer that you waited until morning. Are you reading this, thinking that I'm certifiable? Cool, me too.
My contractions had been about 7 minutes apart for a while and I really wanted to get them to 5 minutes before I checked into the Birth Center. I decided to meet up with some friends at the mall and walk around to see if I could speed things up. They didn't get closer but they started getting stronger. Like labor strong. It was close to nap time which was perfect. I put Linc and Noelle down for their naps and called the Birth Center to see if I could get checked out. I had a feeling that I would be in labor soon but the contractions weren't consistent. I figured I could drive up to the Birth Center and find out how far along I was. Then come home get my things, maybe go for a walk and head back up there after the kids were up from their nap. Things were working out perfectly!
The midwife checked on us and told me that I was 6 cm and needed to be checked in. I knew that was a possibility. I thought I would be bummed that my plan was going askew but instead I was elated. I was going to meet you. And I didn't cry wolf. It was time! I got to my room about 4:30 and went straight into the water. 
I had dreamed of a water birth and the fact the I was actually about to experience it was starting to sink in. I had a plan that I would read magazines and listen to music but since I didn't bring my bag it was just you and me kid. It ended up being exactly what I needed. It had been a long time since I had experienced true silence. Just me. Not thinking about what I needed to do next or being interrupted by tiny voices. I was just there, in the moment. Breathing through every contraction and then just being. Again, it was perfect.
Pops arrived with Noelle and Linc a little after 6. It only took about 30 minutes before they were over it and ready to go. Apparently watching your mom breathing heavily isn't how toddlers like to spend their evenings. Who knew? I told Pops he should just take the kids home and come back after he put them to bed. I was starting to get a little worried as our plan was falling apart. Pops had missed Lincoln's birth and I felt bad that I was making him miss yours as well. But right as we were finalizing our plans my water broke. And right after that I felt the urge to push. It was time and you were coming. You arrived a 6:56 PM. Four whole minutes before our agreed upon deadline. Pops was able to see your first breath. The kids were able to meet you right away and still make it to bed on time. And I got the pleasure of experiencing the most perfect and amazing birth. Seriously kid, you're a stud. 

Emmett Valor Hall

One Last Apology

Let's just get it out there. I kinda suck at this whole blog thing. Keeping up with this thing is virtually impossible for me and for that I apology. However, the reason why I don't have time to write is because I'm busy raising you all, so I guess I'm not really that sorry. So from now on, instead of starting each blog post with a quick apology, maybe i'll just say," you're welcome", and keep it going. 

For the record though, I am sorry that I haven't posted more. You two won't remember these days and you're both pretty spectacular. 

I know that if I don't document these moments now, Noelle you won't know that you use to reenact an entire scene from Frozen and Lincoln, you won't know that you're first phrase was Thank you. Sometimes going through the day to day, I forget how special these things are. I forget that years from now you two will forget the you that you are right now. 

I wish I could make a vow to do better. To take more pictures and jot down little notes of every cute conversation we have. But I know that ultimately, life will get in the way of that promise. And really, isn't that a good thing? Instead, I'll promise to try and remember for you and write it down when I can. I'll promise to do my best to help you guys enjoy this time and even if we all forget it the memories maybe we'll hold on to the feelings. 

Just a Quick Update (By Dad)

You kids are growing up so fast these days, it's ridiculous. Lincoln, you are getting so big. You're starting to learn some words and you have the biggest smile. You think you are so funny. You are always cracking yourself up. You love bubbles and anything your sister is doing. You really enjoy doing ABCs on the iPad and you are the cutest, sweetest little boy. You can say basketball, and obviously, that is something I am very proud of. Now if I can just get you saying Star Wars, it'll be a good day.

Noelle, you are obsessed with a few cartoons right now, although it seems to change every week or two. You watch Sheriff Callie, My Little Pony, Minnierella, Barney at the Zoo, and Paw Patrol. You and Lincoln both love the Let it Go song from Frozen. You are always singing it and wanting to listen to it or watch it on YouTube. You love dancing and are always wanting me to dance with you. The other night, we were dancing and you started singing the song from Minnierella where she and Mickey dance and it was adorable. I couldn't understand the words except for you kept singing "You and me" over and over. Seriously, melted my heart.

You kids are getting to be such good buddies and you are always playing together and giving each other hugs and kisses. Lincoln, you love it when I chase you around the house and Noelle, you love to play hide and seek with me. You also love chasing me around the house. Both of you like pushing me over, you both think it's so funny. And i can't play with one of you without playing with the other. It doesn' matter what either of you is up to, if you see me playing with the other one, you run over and want a turn. It can be exhausting at times, but is so much fun.

Your mom takes you out several times a week and you always come in to the office to tell me about it when you get back. Well Noelle tells me about it, Lincoln you usually just come in and try to climb on everything. It's so fun though to hear about what excited you the most that day. A week or two ago, your mom took you to a children's science museum and when you came back, you wanted to tell me all about the orange bug you saw outside the museum. You still talk about it. You will ask mom to take you to look for the orange bug. Today you all went to Seaworld and you came back all excited to tell me about the penguins and the turtles, but the shark and the crab were scary. Also, you've started bringing me flowers when you come back. They're always just these little random things that you picked somewhere, but I love getting them from you. It's the sweetest thing. I keep them until they dry out and then you notice I don't have it anymore and you'll be all like, "I'll get you a new one."

I love you guys so much. The two of you and your mom are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You all bring so much joy to my life. And we're having another baby! It should be good. Noelle, you are excited about it, although you vacillate between wanting a brother or a sister. Lincoln, I don't think you know another baby is coming yet, but I'm sure you'll be excited too. The way you guys look out for each other and try to help each other lets me know you'll be great older siblings to the new baby too.

A little late

I found this post from forever ago that I never finished. Sorry guys. Hopefully this will be on of those, something is better than nothing moments. So here ya go.


I'm kind of having a hard time comprehending that Noelle you are about to be two and that you Mr. Lincoln are already 6 months old. Even as I type this I understand how incredibly young you two are but in mind you might as well be collecting social security. You two are growing up so fast and so wonderfully. I wish I could take all the credit but really it's all you. you both are so sweet and so special. I feel blessed to just know let alone be able to impact your lives. it's kind of amazing and I'm not sure how I got so lucky but I'm not about to question it. Noelle you are truly one of a kind. We still go to story time every Monday and you're always the loudest kid singing and the only one that knows all the hand motions to all the song. You smile all day long and it still lights up the whole room. You're scary smart. I only say scary because it's only a matter of time before you're smarter than me and I some how think you know that. You know your numbers up to 12, all of your ABCs, animal sounds, and colors (and the signs), a few sight words, and you're starting to talk in 3-4 word sentences. You've been obsessed with this little minnie mouse doll and have totted it everywhere with you for the past few weeks. You're favorite little pal is Khloe and you two are so mischievous together. Her mom (Jen) and I usually find you guys buried in a closet or tucked away in a corner playing with something you shouldn't. It's so fun though to see you interact with other kids. You're so kind and friendly. One of my favorite things is when you're really clsoe to kid and you'll tilt your head to the side, like what they are saying or doing is the most interesting thing you've ever witnessed. You're a ball of energy and love and I'm so impressed and amazed by you.

Lincoln you sleep through the night. Hallelujah! It only took about a week to sleep train you and it's kind of a miracle. After havign such a hard time with Noelle it was such a pleasent surprise. But really I shouldn't haven't been that surprised because you're just like that. You just go with the flow and smile and charm along the way. You only have two cries. One if you're tired and one if you want me to hold you. Otherwise you're perfectly calm and happy. It's amazing. 

It's a boy...

I've known you for a long time. I've known your name and that you're the tallest of my kids. I know you remind me the most of myself and sometimes that's hard for me and even harder for your siblings. Yet I've never met you and I'm not sure if I ever will. I dream of you Emmett. You're always there with Noelle and Lincoln, even before there was a Noelle and Lincoln. Before I had Noelle I had 2 miscarriages and sometimes I think that was you. Trying to come but never making it. It's silly I know but then again, I also know you. A few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. My first thought was of you. Is it you. Was it you? I still dream of you but when I'm awake I get a feeling that I should start thinking of girl names. I'm pretty sure that this will be my last pregnancy and I have this unreasonable possibly psychotic fear that it's not you. And although I've never met you I worry that I'll feel like I lost you. It's the strangest feeling and I've never felt this way before. My darling Emmett, I know you. I love you. And if I don't meet you in this life I'll surely see you in the next.