During college I majored in Finance and minored in Hospitality Management but I really only had two goals for after graduation. The first one was to join the Peace Corps and the second was to later become a Mom. That was it. That was all I wanted out of my 20's. To most I'm sure that seems like a wasted life, but to me, it was everything.
I met your Pops my senior year of college and when we starting talking about marriage, I was faced with the hardest decision I ever had to make. My two dreams staring right at me. One having nothing to do with the other except for the fact that when I chose one, I would lose the other. I knew that if I chose to go ahead with my plans to enter the Peace Corps I could still become a Mom later but I couldn't do it the other way around.
It seemed so obvious, the Peace Corps, duh. Although I never said it out loud I knew that when I came back I wouldn't come back to your Pops. I was 21 when I met him, just a baby. I knew the Peace Corps would change me and I would want to start over on a new path. I knew that in the 2 years that I was gone he would have experiences that changed him and meet other girls that would lead him on a new path of his own too. This seemed right. You know that saying "If you love someone let them go, if they come back...." you know the rest. We wouldn't have come back to each other so I figured that was a clear sign that we shouldn't be together.
I continued on with my Peace Corps application and interviews and my recruiter told me that I was nominated to go to South America in the Summer. I was elated. My dream! Later I found out that I had an irregular blood count and had some medical forms that needed to be filled out. Since I was spending most of my time at Pop's house I had the paper work sent there.
By mid February the paper work still hadn't arrived and I knew that I needed to call and find out what happened. I assumed that it probably had something to do with my change of address and it would be easy to clear up. More time passed and instead of checking up on my paper work I just fell more love with your Pops.
I thought of all the reasons why I was going into the Peace Corps. I wanted to travel and see the world from a different perspective. I wanted to volunteer and help others. I wanted my 20's to be more than just studying and partying. I wanted to live a life of purpose. Then it struck me, I could do all of those things even if I didn't go to the Peace Corps. I could be a mom and still be THAT person, ya know?
So, I decided not to pursue the Peace Corps any more. I decided that I would just wait and see what happened. If my paperwork came in time then I would do what I needed to do in order to make sure that I could leave that Summer. I would go happily and not look back. And if it didn't, then I would look at it as a sign from the universe that it was alright for me to get married. That just because we wouldn't have found each other again doesn't mean that we shouldn't be together just that we shouldn't be apart.
I left my future up to the Universe AKA The United States Postal Service and as ridiculous as it sounds, I was at ease with my decision. I guess the ending is pretty obvious. My final paperwork arrived after my deadline and I was married two months later.
I wish I could say that was the end and we lived happily ever after, but this is part 1 remember? I know I said I was at ease with my decision but there were still moments where I questioned myself. Moments where I wondered if I was just being a dumb 22 year old. And moments where I wondered if I was making the biggest mistake of my life. But that's a story for another time.
