Except lately, I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. I mean shower, what am I the Queen of England? Like I said it's been rough. Yesterday I just couldn't make you spend another day indoors, with me shoving toys in your face and acting surprised when you shoved it right back in mine. So, I did it. I drank the coffee.
For as long as I can remember coffee has been my right hand man and because of that functioning without is nearly impossible. Throw in the fact that I haven't had a good nights sleep in over a year and there's a human being inside me who has apparently seen one too many Twilight movies and I'm basically a walking potato. Again I repeat, it's rough. I know that it's suppose to be okay to have a small cup or even two a day but coffee and guilt just don't go that well together. But for our sanity it had to be done.
Is that what parenting two kids is? Making choices based on the level of guilt you can deal with? Who will cry less and who deserves to be happy more? What do you do when you can't make both happy? It's a scary to think that your happiness won't be all that matters. That I'll actually have to make decisions knowing that it'll make you unhappy and the same for your little sibling. The scariest part is that by this time next year it won't even be a scary thought, just life. "No, Noelle, let the baby have it. We can't right now, the baby's napping."
I'd never thought about that before. I only thought of the cute cuddly parts. How you would have a built in best friend, how Pops could possibly have a son to play ball with. The compromising and guilt never crossed my mind. Scary. But we still have a long time of it just being you and me so we'll just cherish the moments when I drink the coffee and you win.
Like Yesterday: **We went for a jog and a long walk.** I even started on a journal entry that I'd been wanting to write for you. I didn't finish it but that's okay because it's a race not a marathon. Or it's a marathon not a sprint. Oh I don't know. Insert appropriate saying and then nod your head in agreement.
** I showered and put on real clothes. I think you were confused on why I wasn't wearing sweat pants. Forgive the hair and lack of make up... we're still working up to that.
**We read lots of books and played so many rounds of peek-a-boo, that by the end it was just boo and somethings just a look like, you know the drill.
** Had a much needed Martha Stewart moment filled with grocery shopping, cooking dinner, and even some laundry. I know, who am I?
