My version:
I had been feeling like you would arrive early for a while. Once we reached full term (37 weeks) I began the countdown and everyday wondered if today was the day. On Februrary 20th I decided it was time to start the long walks. I walked a few miles a day towards the end of my pregnancy with Noelle and I really felt like it helped to jump start the whole labor process. There's a park a mile or two up the road that seemed just far enough.
On the way back from the park I started to feel pressure in my stomach and was so excited. I figured if I was diligent in walking to the park every day, you would be here in no time. Around noon I started having contractions. I didn't think much of it because false labor was pretty common around 38 weeks. The contractions continued all day and started getting stronger and stronger. I thought I was going into labor but decided to wait for my water to break so I could be sure.
I never wanted to be the girl who went to the hospital screaming in pain only to find out that I wasn't actually in labor. Just a little weakling. It shouldn't have mattered that much to me. But it did, so I waited.
The funny thing is that when I think back to Noelle's birth the one thing that I wish I had done was to speak up. I wished I had told the nurse that I was in labor right away instead of sitting in the waiting room. I wish I had asked for the epidural right when I was able to get it , instead of sitting through unneccessary pain. And here I was 14 months later doing the same thing. So, I guess funny isn't actually the right word. But the alternative is too depressing and this is my story after all.
I decided to speak up around 4:30 pm. I called my doctors office and asked if I could come in to be checked out. The nurse told me that they closed at 5 and so I should just go to the hospital. I felt like I spoke up and got shut down. I didn't want to go to the hospital and be that girl so I decided to wait it out. My water broke with your sister and I thought for sure it would happen with you too.
By the time Pops got off work I hadn't felt you move for a awhile and deicded to head towards the Hospital. I could stand being that girl, as long as it meant you were okay. We had a few errands to run on the way so I figured if I hadn't felt you move by the time we were done then I would go to the Hospital. We were about 5 minutes away from the Hospital when I felt you kick and told Pops to head back home.
At this point the contractions were painful but my Doctor told me that if I was still able to walk around and talk then I wasn't in labor. That made sense. I was talking fine and had just got done walking around a few stores so clearly it wasn't time yet. Around 7:30 my contractions were strong and pretty frequent. I decided to speak up again.
I told Pops that I thought I made a mistake and should've gone to the hospital after all. He googled some things and told me that if my contractions were 7 (or so) minutes apart and lasted for 2 ( or something) minutes then I was in labor and needed to go. We timed them and they hurt but they didn't hurt for whatever that specified time was. I thought about telling him that I didn't care what that stupid website said and that we should go anyways. But in all honesty I felt like twice I had spoken up and twice I was shut down. It was a" If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound?" kind of moment. If I feel like I might be in labor but no one else seems to think I am... No matter how I end that question it's still a ridiculous thing to consider. After all I'm the only one feeling the pain and pressure. I'm the only one who knows what's going on with my body. Why I let the opinions of others sway me, I'll never know. But I did and I went to bed.
I decided to call my sister, Keisha a little while later and when the contractions got closer together. All I said was that I was having contractions and they hurt and her response was "Well go to the hospital, you're probably in labor." I told her that they weren't lasting two minutes, that my water hadn't broke, that I was talking and walking, and not even close to screaming in pain like I'd seen in the movies. I gave her every reason to tell me that I was just being silly and was having false labor. But she never did. She urged me to pack my bag and head out. I'll always love her for that. And not just beucase she told me to go to the Hospital. I mean, even the nurse who just didn't want to be bothered with me, told me to go. It was her unwavering belief in me. The belief that I was in fact in labor for the simple fact that I thought I was.
If you ever want to grant me one wish. That's all I ask. I just want you to be that person to your sister. That guy who is always on her side. Who recognizes if she's doubting herself and reassures her. The brother who tells her she's not being silly. Just be that guy for your big Sister and I'll never ask anything else of you.
Anyways, even though I was glad to have her support I still doubted myself. However, i did doubt myself a little less. I told myself that if the pain got any worse or the contractions became any closer together, then I would go. And if I showed up and became that girl who was actually just being a big wuss then I would be ok with that.
I snuggled into bed to watch the Bachelor and soon drifted off to sleep. I was awoken by a little pop and a wet bed. Finally my water broke. I felt relief because I now knew for sure that I was in labor but I also felt a little sad. Sad that I didn't learn my lesson from your sisters birth and repeated my same mistake.
We got to the hospital around 10 pm. I was already 5 cm dilated which is when you can get an epidural so I was elated that the painful part of labor was about to be over. However when we arrived to the hospital I was calm and said something like, " I think my water broke." So they assumed that I was in the beginning stages of labor and pushed me to the back of the epidural list. Of course I didn't know that at the time and of course I never spoke up because well, I'm me and apparently can't learn a lesson.
Around midnight it was finally my turn to head to the delivery room. The nurse came in around 12:30 to set up my IV and get me ready for the epidural, I don't think I could have been more excited if I tried. I asked her how long until I would get my epidural and when she told me an hour, I asked to be excused. I went into the bathroom and for the first time really let myself feel what was happening. I broke down and started crying. I cried for the pain of the contractions, I cried for you because I didn't listen to my body and could've put you in danger, I cried for my own stupidity and shyness, but mostly I cried because if I had just told myself that it didn't matter what anyone else thought of me, if I didn't have such a fear of being 'that girl', things would've been different. I would've came to the hospital hours ago and had an epidural hours ago and for the first time it hit me, that I was 'that girl'. A different breed but just as bad, maybe even worse. I let myslef feel it all and cry for a good 45 seconds because after all there was a nurse waiting for me and I was still that girl. I wiped my face and went back out to let the nurse finish. I asked her if I would be able to go to the bathroom with the IV in because the contractions were making me feel like I had to go. She gave me a strange look and went to examine me. Next thing I know she was running into the hall. she came back with a doctor and her team. 3 pushes later, you were here.
We named you Lincoln Bravery and oh do I hope you live up to that name. If there's one thing I hope you can take away from your birth story is that you must always be brave. Be brave enough to stand up and speak out. Be brave enough to trust yourself even if others doubt you. Be brave enough not to care if you're 'that guy' or if others will judge you. I know you'll show bravery in all you do, after all it's your middle name.
The version I tell others:
The contractions started around noon but they weren't very strong. Around 4:30 I called my doctor because I hadn't felt Lincoln move in a while. They sent me to the hospital but on the way there he kicked so we went back home. Around 9 my water broke so we went to the hospital. We got to the hospital around 10 but they were busy so we didn't get into the delivery room until around 12. The nurse was getting me set up for the epidural and on the way out she decided to check me. I was crowning so she got the doctor and 3 pushes later I had a baby.
